Making the Inaccessible Accessible
If my friends want to do something that is inaccessible, should they invite me to go too, or is it better if they don’t mention it at all? Should they feel like they have to include me in everything? Is it right for me to expect them to? I was recently reminded how tricky these situations can be and started thinking about how to handle them. Here are some good rules of thumb:
Think Ahead. If you’re inviting a whole group of people to do an activity that is inaccessible and you want to invite someone with a disability, go ahead. But before you do, it is important to think through ways in which the person might be included. If you’re going ice skating for example, see if there is a place for the person to sit, watch the action, and sip hot chocolate. That way, they are included without really having to participate. And be upfront about what’s possible. That way the person is not surprised and can make a good choice about whether or not to attend. Nine times out of ten, it is better to be asked and have to say no than not to be asked at all.
Be Flexible. If you are going to invite a person with a disability, be prepared to modify the plans a bit to accommodate for them. You shouldn’t have to change everything, but understand that some accommodation needs to be made, even if it’s just making sure there is a place to sit. If you’re not willing to be flexible, or to plan ahead, this is when you shouldn’t invite the person in the first place.
Be Honest. Sometimes you won’t want to exchange ringside seats for accessible ones that are a mile away. Who would? If this is the case, be honest. Don’t make your friend with a disability guess what you’re thinking. It’s rude and a little mean to be secretive or not to speak up. You don’t have to include everyone all of the time. So don’t offer half-assed invitations.
Be Realistic. As a person with a disability, it is wrong to think that inclusion means everyone gets to do everything all of the time. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), we don’t live in that world. Do everything you can to be proactive, to challenge yourself, to participate, but know that you’ll still have to sit a few out. And it’s up to you to deal with that, and let people know that it’s okay by you.
Do you have any thoughts on this? I’d like to hear what you think.
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Well, if it was ice skating at issue, I would TOTALLY sit on the side with you and sip hot chocolate since A) I'm a spazz and 2) mmm... hot chocolate!
But, I also think about the whole Italy thing, too. It would have been lovely to have you there, but yeah -- PA and I both commented that there really would have been no good way for you to get around Venice. I don't know what questions you asked the tour people to come to that decision, but you made the right choice.
You're right. A big part of this involves asking the right questions and getting stright answers. That, as well as experience, factored into my Italy decision.
The other element to stuff like this is interpreting what I’m told, and having a back-up plan. For example, Tammy and I met friends at the Chicago diner the other night, and Tammy warned me about accessibility concerns, so I called ahead. Every question I had was met with silence as the guy at the restaurant thought through what I was asking, and his answers, it turned out, were not totally true. I knew they wouldn’t be just from the tone in his voice, but I went anyway because I trust T’s judgment. It worked out. But if Tammy hadn’t scoped the place out herself, or if I’d gone there alone, it wouldn’t have worked at all.